© 2019 by David Marcer

  • Dave Marcer

Are you in a codependent relationship?

Are you finding that you have to make a lot of sacrifices in who you are and the things you want to do to ensure you partner’s happiness? Are they not making the same effort and changes to make you happy? If that is the case then you might be in a codependent relationship.

Of course every relationship involves work and a level of give and take to ensure you are both living happy and fulfilled lives, however if you are finding yourself in a pattern of behaviour that leaves you being dependent on approval from your partner to achieve self-worth and for your identity, then this is not normal.

Some people might not even realise they are in a codependent relationship and therefore not sure why they are often feeling depressed and isolated. There are lots of signs to look out for but here are a few of the key signs:

- You do things for your partner they should be doing

This isn’t to say you shouldn’t be trying to help or be nice to your partner but if you are constantly doing basic things they should be doing themselves, then this is not a healthy situation.

- You compensate or accept your partners bad behaviour

If you feel you have to frequently having to make excuses for your partner’s bad behaviour traits, like drinking too much, then you are likely not seeing the overall picture of the problem.

- Their happiness becomes your priority

It is normal to share emotions and want to make our loved one feel better, but if you are constantly putting their happiness above yours then this can lead to mental health problems for yourself.

- You need to check in before you do anything

Every relationship requires you and your partner to schedule certain things so you are both aware of what’s happening, but if you are finding that you have to check in before you do anything then it shows a lack of trust between the two of you.

- You keep quiet

No one likes an argument, but disagreements are part of a healthy relationship. If you find yourself excusing bad behaviour and keeping quiet to avoid confrontation then not only are you hiding away your emotions but your partner will never know that their behaviour is upsetting to you.

- Constantly feeling anxious

Early on in a relationship this is quite a common feeling, you and your partner are still learning each other’s personality however if you are still feeling this way months and years down the line then it is a sign that things are not as healthy as they should be.

- You lose you

Relationships do require us to modify our behaviours and accommodate each other but if you feel like you are losing you; your sense of identity, your interests and your desires then you should take a step back and evaluate why that is.

Whilst each of these points on their own is not a sign of a codependent relationship, combined these factors help to create a much larger understanding. If you feel you might be codependent on your partner, then do not let it go otherwise that resentment can build and be far more catastrophic.

Speak to a professional coach today and they will be able to help you talk through your emotions and your problems, identifying areas to work on and help you to reconstruct your relationship to create a more harmonious and loving partnership.